Do get the medium popcorn though you deserve it

This post contains spoilers to the 2012 movie, Django Unchained, which you really should have seen by now it's an excellent movie no excuses but I highly recommend it

“This Christmas was supposed to be all about me and Jay Gatsby. After an unfortunate turn of events, though, I figured I would just spend Christmas vacation crying in my room (you know, in between opening gifts, playing poker, and stuffing my face full of ham). Leonardo DiCaprio had another movie planned to be released this Christmas, though, and it taught me about the true meaning of Christmas.”

Is what I wrote when I thought I was going to be seeing Django Unchained before freaking March. And while I had correctly predicted how I spent my holiday break, I never finished the post (which is actually pretty good considering I was planning to somehow compare Django with another Christmas release, Les Mis, which now seems like an impossible feat and I don't know what I was thinking).

As my life would have it, I saw the strictly R-rated movie with my mother. The old lady guilted me into accompanying her to the theater to see Life of Pi, but we got there too late. And that's when I saw the show times; Django Unchained in ten minutes. It was like a holy ray of light shown down from the heavens above and led me right to the poster.

So yeah we went to the movie and I lost my Tarantino-virginity to his first (not going to actually fact-check that) Spaghetti Western. (Oh, God, should I even put Tarantino and virginity in the same sentence? Okay, I guess it's staying.)

Well, I love me some historical pieces (okay so I like, like, one Civil War movie) and also movies with genres named after my favorite food and starring my favorite actors, and this one was no different.

Once you get past all the blood (red corn syrup, anyone?) and the perhaps excessive use of the n-word (neither of which I actually thought was that bad), you get to the beautifully-scripted, excellently acted-out, and still mildly-inappropriate (did I mention the nudity?) film that got all sorts of buzz in the months since its release, and earned both Christoph Waltz and Tarantino Oscars.

If I had one complaint (which I do; just wait for it), it would be the fact that DOCTOR KING SCHULTZ TOTALLY DIES OH GOD WHY CHRISTOPH MY BABY. And also it was maybe a tad too long. Definitely not a medium-sized soda movie. Stick to the small.

But overall it was just (*sigh*) lovely.