My Cary Elwes Childhood Part II: Glory

I was in seventh grade when I first watched the 1989 film, Glory. My pretty unorthodox Social Studies teacher, Mr. Schile, decided to show his classes the R-rated movie as a part of a huge Civil War unit we had been working on. As any normal kid would be, I was stoked that we would be taking up a few class days to watch a movie, no matter what it was.

I loved that class. Maybe it was because I was given the role of General Robert E. Lee in a simulation we did during the unit (and led the South to victory over the North, might I add); maybe it was because of the stories we heard of our teacher’s past (punched by a woman while working as a cop, almost kicked out of college while on a trip to California where he accidentally visited a gay bar with his friend); maybe it was the delicious brownies he made or the hours we spent trying to throw a hacky sack into the garbage bin. Or maybe it was just because I love history.

The latter would most likely be why I fell in love with this movie when Mr. Schile decided that violence and the F-word were appropriate for a classroom of twelve-year-olds.

In short, Glory is about the first all-black regiment and the soldiers’ battle between races during the Civil War. I squealed when I saw Cary Elwes come onto the screen (it shouldn't surprise you now that I'm kind of a huge fan of his). Starring a plethora of other amazing actors (Matthew Broderick, Denzel Washington, Morgan Freeman), you get to see the trials and tribulations these men go through as they fight for the North while also fighting to prove themselves; to break the barriers between the races their country has been struggling with for so long.

While the idea, a war movie following a group struggling to prove themselves, isn’t new or even surprising, Glory brings a fresh perspective and I love it. I love Colonel Shaw’s (Broderick) struggle to succeed in commanding his ranks while keeping ties with his friend and second-in-command, Major Cabot Forbes (Elwes), and the very loyal Thomas Searles. I love the sassy Trip (Washington), the quiet Rawlins (Freeman), and the stuttering Sharts. I love how, even though it's historical, even though it's violent, even though it's melancholy, it's still a movie that I go back to and watch again and again.

And maybe it shouldn't have been such a big part of my childhood considering it's graphic content (I'm pretty sure a soldier's head gets blown off in the first scene), but that's just what being a kid entails. Sometimes you have to grow up before you're ready, and I grew up with Glory; I grew up with The Princess Bride. Sure, there are other movies that had an impact on me when I was younger, and maybe I'll write about those later, but none had such a big impact on me as these two did.

My Cary Elwes Childhood Part I: The Princess Bride

Throughout the 1980s, Cary Elwes was considered one of Hollywood's leading men. He starred in memorable roles such as the dashing thieve in The Princess Bride and a Civil War major in Glory. And now, while he isn't considered as golden as he used to be (and he just starred in the movie with the worst opening of a film in more than two thousand theaters ever, The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure ), he's still a great actor and will, for me, be remembered for those two roles in the 80s that made him Hollywood eye candy and were also a big part of my childhood: The Princess Bride and Glory.

The eels swim towards Buttercup, the masked man scales a giant cliff, the ROUS attack Westley in the Fire Swamp, and then he's hooked up to the water machine. These are all scenes in The Princess Bride that make my skin crawl and have me squirming in my seat even to this day; even after watching it at least ten times. From this, who would know that this 1987 movie's a comedy?

Handsome Westley (Elwes), with his Zorro-esque mask, ponytail, and completely masculine 'stache, holds never-ending love for the cookie-cutter Buttercup. But, alas, the childhood-loves lose each other growing up, find each other, lose each other again, then find each other only after Buttercup's engaged to the Prince (way to go, Buttercup).

The minions of the evil Vizzini (taken captive by the poison, iocane powder), Inigo (Patinkin) and Fezzini (Andre the Giant), help Westley on his quest to get the soon-to-be princess Buttercup out of her engagement and back in his arms.

Through all of this, author of the 1973 novel, William Goldman, manages to write in laughs and the most quotable quotes. Even if you haven't seen the movie, you've heard a line or two from it, whether it's Inigo's infamous, “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” or Westley's secret to how he defeated Vizzini, “I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.” They bring the comical aspect to the movie.

And while there aren't any “cool” graphics or insane plot twists (hold for the six-fingered man) in The Princess Bride, you can't deny that it's phenomenal. It's one of the few non-Disney love stories that I can stand, let alone love. I've been watching it since I was born, practically; it's a favorite of my family's. I'll show it to my children and they'll fall in love with the movie and the characters as I have. Then they'll have their own Cary Elwes childhood.

Pocahontas: An Incredible Lie

Growing up in a Disney house, one of my favorite movies was Pocahontas. What was there not to love about the Romeo and Juliet-esque relationship between the nature girl, sweet as honey, daughter of Chief Powhatan and the caring, strong as stone, British settler John Smith?

I think I was in fourth grade when I first saw an actual portrait of John Smith. A chubby, bald, bearded man stared back at me as I sat in my seat in Mrs. Kasparek’s class, incredulous (now I’m not one to judge on looks, but that was just ridiculous). Where was the blonde, flowing hair? The strong jaw? The chiseled physique of the Mel Gibson-voiced hunk?

I remembered back to when I first saw Pocahontas II: Journey to a New World. Why on Earth did she marry John Rolfe instead of her love, Smith? Surely there was some mistake…

Well, there was. Disney John Smith was a lie, and Real John Smith was a liar. Many historians believe the whole Pocahontas-saved-my-life story from the settler was fabricated to increase his popularity. After all, he brought it up around twenty years after the apparent life saving.

So that explains why John Rolfe won-over Pocahontas and had child with her before she died in her early twenties of unknown causes.

So unromantic.

But still, there’s something about the story, the songs, the characters in the (completely fictional) Pocahontas. I still love the movie; I just watch it in a different light now. It’s just like finding out Darth Vader is Luke’s father. Now whenever you watch Star Wars, you look at the Dark Lord of the Sith and can only think of the fact that he’s Luke’s dad.

No matter, I still ship Disney John Smith and Pocahontas. I still awe at the little raccoon, Meeko, and, despite my better judgment, I still try to sing both parts of “Savages”. I still love the incredible lie that is Disney’s Pocahontas.